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THE WIMPS GUIDE TO THE PARKS – PART 1 What sort of Wimp are you?
As a former First Class Wimp, I thought that others might like to share my light-hearted summary of things to do at the parks, because, believe it or not, you can still enjoy lots of the attractions. Reading this guide will also save you the indignity of queuing up for what seems like hours, at Tower of Terror, and then having to admit that you cannot get into the lift, despite the fact that at least half of those about to plummet hundreds of feet are small children with smiles on their faces. Even worse is waiting for the rest of your party at the exit, as they appear giggling and self satisfied at the end of their terrifying ride, not forgetting the children who seem totally un-phased by the experience, and point at you, the wimp who had to be escorted back to the shop. My advice is to stand looking at the photographs, pretending that you are searching for that wonderful shot of you smiling and raising your arms just before you plummet earthward. Nobody will ever know you didn’t even get as far as the doors of the ride!
However, the first thing you must do is to decide what sort of wimp you are – after all, there are 3 categories! But remember, it is always possible to move from one category to another – you need not remain a First Class Wimp for ever! How, I hear you say, do I know what sort of wimp I am? Well, it’s easy really, just take a look at the following definitions and decide which category most fits you.
A First Class Wimp
This is the highest order of ‘wimpage’ that you can ever aspire to. It means you are more than happy to visit Florida, you enjoy visiting the parks, but you are so scared that many of the attractions are simply too much for you to cope with.
You will not attempt any roller coaster, simulator or ride which may move, climb, drop, hurtle, twist or otherwise make your stomach churn. You read the warning notices at the entrance to the rides and decide that they are all too scary to contemplate. You simply will not try anything which has the slightest possibility of scaring you. This may well rule out rides specifically designed for children. However, you are in your element in the World Showcase at Epcot – apart from Norway – or in the educational experiences that abound at Epcot or Animal Kingdom, for example, and you can sit back and relax at wonderful shows or firework displays available at all the Disney parks.
A Second Class Wimp
This wimp is less scared, so is able to enjoy all of the above, but will also venture onto those rides which are generally designed for children, or which are only simulators – you can close your eyes on a simulator, after all. They still refuse anything remotely resembling a roller coaster, but may be tempted to ride the odd carousel.
A Third Class Wimp
This wimp is well on the way to conquering their fears. They still blanch at the thought of a dozen high speed inversions or a floorless roller coaster, and will run a mile if they see any ride which involves a harness going over their heads – that is a huge no-no! Not only can they take a ride on carousels, but they will happily take a ride in a simulator, or on some of the milder experiences.
Once you have decided which group you belong to, the world is your oyster, or maybe your cockle shell. There are more Wimps Guides to the Parks, so simply read them to help you plan an interesting and stimulating visit to the parks, and if you play your cards right, you might never have to admit to your fears.
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