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THE WIMPS GUIDE TO THE PARKS – PART 2 HOW TO AVOID SCARY RIDES
Having read ‘The Wimps Guide to the Parks, Part 1’ you should now know what sort of wimp you are. You will probably feel a great sense of relief at having ‘come out’, so how can you identify other wimps? First, you are not alone, there are literally hundreds of us out there – although some will deny it, but here are some clues.
Next time you enter one of the restaurants in Disney or Universal, take a close look at the people sitting there. What you are looking for is a man or a woman, generally sitting on their own, surrounded by bags, water bottles, plastic capes, spare shoes and all the accoutrements that you need for a day out at the parks. They will be sitting there reading a book, or maybe just watching the world go by. What they will not be doing is standing in the queue at Tower of Terror, or Journey to Atlantis! But don’t knock it, many a family trip to Disney would be ruined without the selflessness of the wimp who stays behind, ostensibly to ‘look after’ the cameras, bags and other paraphernalia which the rest of the family leave behind.
Of course, some of us may be a little reticent to admit to our fears, so if you do not feel ready to admit to being a wimp, there are many ways of avoiding identification – and scary rides! Here are just a few:
- First, when you get near the front of the queue, fake a desperate urge to go to the rest rooms, and graciously give up your place to the person behind you.
- You can also complain about the heat, and decide, 5 minutes before you get to the start of the ride, that you are suffering from heatstroke, and must cool down in that nice air conditioned cake shop you saw on the way in.
- Another good excuse is that the ride is too wet for the cameras so, with deep regret, you are willing to forgo this wonderful experience and stand with all the photographic gear.
- Indeed, this leads on to another great wheeze – someone simply must take a photo of the family as they hurtle down a 70 ft vertical drop towards the water, and you are prepared to ensure that this moment is captured for posterity. If it seems as if the family are planning a re-run of the ride, make sure that you ‘accidentally’ miss the pertinent moment the first time round, so that you have to be available to take another shot the next time.
- When you get to the scary ride, pointedly read the warning signs out loud. At this point you have several options – you may remember a sudden back complaint that would prevent you enjoying the ride. You may also remind them that you have, on occasions, been motion sick – OK it was on that ferry to France in a Force 10 gale, but you just cannot risk it.
- You may pretend to be pregnant – now this is one I would not advise unless it is true – you may well find your partner lying prostrate on the floor at the shock of this news, and anyway, how are you going to produce a bouncing baby in 8 months time? Avoid this one at all costs.
That is just a few to start you off, but I am sure that you will soon think of a few more excuses!
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Page added on: 20 October 2005
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